This is where I played last night. The show was a’ight. They used to have a big post in the middle of the stage so it was nice to see that bad boi gone. Word.
Slit
•October 9, 2009 • Leave a CommentI’m playing a show tonight at Lickety Split in Philly with the band I went to Chicago with. Then I have rehearsal in Philly this weekend with my main band, WUSN. I’m starting to feel like I kind of know my way around the city of brotherly love. I don’t have the time to post anything worthwhile today but I’m glad y’all are enjoying my previous post. Maybe I’ve found my calling: dusting and polishing mixing boards. As usual I’ll try to post some wackness this weekend from Philly. Peace!
I could go for one right about now.
African American Mothers Unite!
•October 8, 2009 • 3 CommentsI found another picture in the archives that inspired me to do a quick an internet search on the internet.
Yup! The Mocha Manual To A Fabulous Pregnancy. Weird. They’re not talking about Yemen folks. What they mean to say is that mocha refers to chocolate which refers to black and by black I mean African American. What they mean in this case by mocha is people of color. If you want to make the big bucks you’ve got to open up your potential market right? Apparently there’s also a book but this is the DVD yo! This crap is nucking futs!
I noticed it in a grocery store in Philly and it just seemed completely ridiculous to me. It was nominated for an NAACP award? Seriously? I just don’t get it. It’s hard for me since I’m a huge racist and all. There must be some secret colored people pregnancy tricks in here. Maybe people of color are able to pop the zygote or fetus out, check it out right quick and then pop it in back in. You know they might not want the rest us to catch us on to this kind of information.
!!!! Insanity! Here are my quick thoughts on this video:
Is it me or does this narrator sound…not of color?
They actually showed a diaper with fake poop in it accompanied by “Eww! StinkyPoo.”
The author is great at spewing out lines. I hope they cast her in a prequel to Soul Plane.
The narrator actually said, “Girlfriend.” Yeah that just happened.
“Celebrity moms” you say? If you mean the lady who works at Nickelodeon then we need to talk.
I’d like to learn more about layering with tanks and tees please!
Tell me more about staying in “hot mama condition” please!
The best part is the 14 seconds of blackness towards the end. Whoops! I mean mochaness. My B!
The Plates You Love To Hate
•October 7, 2009 • 1 CommentI was going through some older pictures and came across this:
You can’t be too redundant these days I suppose. I guess having stuff misspelled on your car is cool too. I made a very weak attempt at a google search for “stickey” and didn’t come up with much. I figure it’s either about drugs or cars. I should probably start listening to more hip hop. Are they still calling it hip hop? Rap? Hip pop? Maybe I’ll just read all the lyrics to every gangsta rap song ever and yell them loudly out on the streets of NY. Well…goodnight.
I’ll Definitely Be There
•October 6, 2009 • 1 CommentI was giving out flyers today for my upcoming show with my main band which I’ll refer to as WUSN from here on. Doing this reminded me that I had said I was going to do a post about getting your friends/coworkers/lovers/pets out to shows. Here are some examples of what most people say when they are told about a show:
1. “I’ll definitely be there!” This generally means that this person will not be at your show. What they mean to say is “I’m somewhat interested in going but I’ll probably decide that night that I’d rather play Othello online with a stranger from Nevada.” I have no problem with someone playing games online at home (while naked of course) with lonely accountants in Nevada. The problem is that for some reason you chose to use the word “definitely” when you should have said “possibly” or “might” or even “possibly maybe” and we could have laughed at the reference. Oh silly Bjork references. I think this happens because people are afraid to say no to shows and drugs. They probably also don’t want to let a friend/teacher/banker down. When people tell me that they’ll definitely come to a show I really don’t expect to see them there and it doesn’t affect me anymore. I would certainly rather hear the truth at the beginning but I forget that most people are liars.
2. “I’ll try to make it out.” This person will most likely be at the show. They’re expressing that they will make an effort. They’re not making up excuses or giving you a definitive answer. This person is realistic and someone you should hang out with more.
3. “I’m not sure if I’m working/showering/already have plans.” This person probably isn’t going to be at the show. They don’t want to say yes or no generally because they don’t want to go unless they know for sure that other people they know are going. If you’re dealing with an honest person they might actually be unsure of what their plans are but it’s hard to believe in this world of phone calendars and those tiny computers installed in our elbows. Don’t count this person out just yet though.
4. “Where is it? What time is at? How much does it cost?” This person really doesn’t want to go to your show. If you’ve just handed them a flyer that answers all these questions and they’re still asking about it they’re not going to your show. They’re looking for an excuse not to go. “Oh that’s far away from where I live and that’s kind of late because I’ve got work early the next day and also I don’t get paid until next year so I can’t afford that.” This is the kind of person that you should just walk away from. These are the liars and insecure people of the world.
5. “I can’t make it.” This is a good answer. It should probably be “I won’t/don’t want to make it.” This is a fairly honest answer most likely. If they tell you why they can’t make it there’s a 50/50 chance they’re telling the honest to dog truth. They’re trying to keep it real and be polite. Kudos.
6. “I’m not going.” Cool dude. I’ve got mad respect for you playa. Seriously though, this is a good person even if they are sort of on the jerky detached side. They’re not making some crap up or being vague. This person is not going to be there. There’s nothing wrong with honesty…99.99% of the time…it works 87.56% of the time. Make this person you’re new BFFQ.
Obviously, there are countless other responses and facial expressions that can occur but this should cover most of what you’re going to hear. At the end of day it all comes down to how you deal with people coming or not coming to your show. Remember that for the most part no one is obligated to be at your show. Either they genuinely want to see you play or they want to be supportive. Nobody has to go to your show so don’t be mad at the people who don’t make it out. Good luck!
An Attempt At Catching Up: Parts 4 Through 86
•October 5, 2009 • Leave a CommentHere we go. Day 4 started off with a bagel and a decent chai latte at a local hipster coffee shop. Then the other band member and I walked around the Wicker Park area for a while. Since it was Sunday the farmers market was happening in the namesake park of Wicker Park. Park!
I managed to brighten the day for a couple of farmers by not purchasing any of their products.
I checked out the same two record shops I had checked out a couple of nights before. I’m finding that record stores rarely get my money anymore which is unfortunate because I’d like to support these punk rawkers. It’s hard to justify spending $20 on something that I can find online for $5. I gotsta be frugal in times like these and those. After some lunch we both went back to the house and took naps before our show. Oh yeah the cat slept on my chest during the nap which was nice in a strictly heterosexual way.
The gig that night was at a church of some sort. The whole thing seemed a little off and creepy but hey who am I to judge? I am Lucifer…Smith.
No church is complete without a disco ball...that performs exorcisms.
It nice to hear my drums really BOOM in that big room oh and also my flatulence. The guy we were staying with also performed that night in a traditional Moroccan group. It was really interesting to see and hear all the different layers going on. I definitely want to check out some recorded Moroccan music and then rip it off for my music. Only kidding…maybe. This show is where I got my favorite compliment of the tour. “It’s nice to hear someone do something different on drums.” Yup. I’m doing something different.
The next morning after an ok amount of sleep we hit the road for the 14 hour drive back to NYC. Not much to report about here. Besides service areas our only stop was in Toledo, OH. We figured since this was a city we had heard of that there would be plenty of food options and maybe a museum of curiosities or two. This place was crapping dead! We wound up getting some mediocre bar food at an Irish pub/restaurant/pubrant. It was a pleasure seeing lovely downtown Toledo with it’s um…baseball field and…convention center…hot dawgs? Barf! I got home around 11pm and then went joyriding around town. JK! That would just be silly. JKjkJK! Smiley face! Thus concludes my 94 part recollection of my Chicago trip. But wait! Not before a highlight from one of the rest stops.
I interpreted this as meaning that if I drive at night it's ok for me to pee in a cop's eyes and then put their eyeballs in an urn.
An Attempt At Catching Up: Part 3
•October 4, 2009 • 2 CommentsBack to day 3 of the Chicago trip. I decided this was going to be the day that I would check out all of the tourist crap. Since we were staying in Wicker Park I was planning on taking the subway to the city. Once I started walking I just felt like walking the whole way especially since it wound up seeming pretty close. The blocks went by much quicker than they do in New York and it was nice to look at all the interesting architecture. I bet architects here just walk around with perpetual erections. I walked along the river for a bit with all the obvious tourists.
This river water was actually quite tasty.
A pigeon crapped on my head. Seriously. Luckily, I had a napkin and got the majority of it. I quickly found a Starbucks bathroom and took a quick shower in there. Then I checked out Millennium Park.
I paid my respect to the Monolith.
This thing was precious. I kept waiting underneath for the milk to pour out on to my naked body but no such luck.
There were a lot of jackasses waving their hands around so that they could find their reflection. Jagass.
On the walk back to Wicker Park I saw this and was really scared and felt my pants trying to suffocate my testes. Please don’t look at this picture if you’re on the rebound.
f you live in the Chicago area please go to this and let me know if you can still close your eyes without seeing that face.
That night we played a show at this Applebees type restaurant. The food was really good and free…for me. Some friends that moved out there from NY earlier this year also came out for the show and it was great to ketchup with them. This show was probably the lamest of the tour since we were playing inside a restaurant where most of the people were 200 feet away and sitting in the outdoor seating. We did our thing regardless and I got to look at a Janis Joplin poster that we were playing beneath. It was only a couple blocks away from where we were staying so that was convenient and we got back before midnight and caught up on some sleep. That’s about all I’ve got to say about that day. I’m going to try and fit the last two days into the next post so that you can get some sleep this week.
Open Microphone: Part 2
•October 3, 2009 • Leave a CommentAs I mentioned yesterday, we checked out a new open mic last night in Sunnyside, NY. It was a little coffee shop and it wound up being packed which we weren’t expecting. At first it seemed like it was only going to be a few performers but it turned out that everyone is all buddies and crap. It felt a lot like college as the other half of MPF pointed out. Everyone was very nice and supportive for the most part. It’s hard to find situations like this so that was a pleasant surprise. I was reminded of some of the other stereotypes of open mics. Here’s more to add on to the list:
1. “Emo guy” is a frequent open mic spectacle. They generally come in one of two variations. The first being the guy all in black with the hood of his hoodie up who will probably say less than 10 words while up on tha mic. He’ll probably play something by New Found Glory or Fall Out Boy and say, “This is a cover. You probably don’t know it.” But of course at least 75% of the audience does in fact know the song because it’s on POP RADIO. Then he’ll play an original probably about how no one understands him. The second variation usually looks like Rivers Cuomo or Conor Oberst. He’ll probably play two originals that each contain 500 different words. He will talk the lyrics more than sing them and he will probably be borderline yelling at some point to show his emotions…and stuff.
2. Comedians! It still bugs me that you come to open mics when you have your own comedy open mics the night before at the SAME venue. I don’t come down to where you work and slap the rooster out of your mouth! I’m assuming that you comedians work at some sort of slaughterhouse where you hold cocks (I’m talking about roosters) in your mouth as they’re GETTING their heads chopped OFF. If I want to hear a bunch of “what’s the deal with…” and “I find it funny that…” kind of 9th grade humor I’ll go ask my prepubescent cousin to repeat some crap he saw on Comedy Central. And since I’m ranting about comedians, how about we start a no notebook/paper with notes on it rule? You can’t remember 10 minutes worth of words? If you need some middle school kids to teach you memorization techniques let me know. I’m just kidding though. I love comedians especially amateur comedians! Keep up the good work gentlemen and you insecure ladies!
Whew! I’m about spent like a buffalo nickel after that. There was some stuff that resembled cool and a lot of junk in terms of performers. We ran in to issues with the lame sound system and request to play lower than our 7 inch voices so as not to disturb the neighbors. We seem well received though and some people asked for our compact disc. We’ll probably check this place out again in about month and be much better prepared for their limitations.
There's nothing like a blue spotlight to make someone look healthy.
Whoopsy!
•October 2, 2009 • 2 CommentsI almost forgot to post today. We’re at a new open mic right now. Exciting I know!
An Attempt At Catching Up: Part 2
•October 1, 2009 • Leave a CommentDay 2 started off with some local Amish granola and a low pressure shower. I briefly enjoyed the balcony which looked over a creek.
This cat is named Elvis Presley and I swear that he looks purple.
After some more breeze shooting with our host we hit the road for the 10 hour drive to Chicago. It was quite uneventful but I caught up on what’s playing on pop radio these days. Oh yeah what’s playing on pop radio is CRAP…mostly. We stopped in Clarion, OH I believe to grab some food. Our only decent option was a little cafe where I got an “everything” bagel with turkey and cheese. If you can count the number of specks of poppy on your “everything” bagel in 10 seconds guess what? What you’ve got is a plain bagel that shook bagel hands with a real everything bagel. Is this starting to turn into a food blog? I hope not. There’s just not much else to talk about when you’re describing a 10 hour car ride.
Driving through Ohio and Indiana is kind of boring since there isn’t much to look at besides corn…oh and more corn. When we finally arrived in Chicago we checked out the “venue” we were about to play. It was someone’s apartment that was literally right next to the train that came by every 15 minutes. Eh. We loaded in and went to find some dinner. (Again this is not a food blog.) We got some ok falafel nearby.
Twin Peaks anyone? The falafel place masquerading as the Black Lodge.
We went back to the house party and I was quickly annoyed by the hipsters so I went for a walk. I managed to check out a couple of record stores before they closed and once again only spent invisible money. That means I didn’t buy anything. It doesn’t mean that I have sticky fingers or salty toes. I got back in time for the opening acts. First up was “I listen to a lot of Metallica and have written two songs and they sound like Metallica” guy. Second was “I’m going to keep apologizing for my guitar skills and listen to some more Feist when I get home” girl. Thankfully, right before us was a pretty cool duo. They were doing the whole loop station thing and what not. We played close to 1am as I recall and there were still people who were awake. We played until about 3am due to about an hours worth of “play more”. It was a long day. It was one whole day that contained many hours.
We went to our friend’s place to crash and I had a cat that slept at my feet.
I'll swallow your soul!
Jackercrap 