After reading this I was inspired to do something similar. I’ve read a few entries on the wide world of web about things to do or not to do while on tour. Ultimately, everyone’s experience is different partly due the kind of music they play, the area they touring in and obviously the people they are touring with.
I’ve done a few small tours and one tour that lasted an entire month. However, to some people a month is a small amount of time to be “on the road” as they say. I’m not talking about other people though. I’m talking about me again. I’m selfish like that.
The longer tour took place last April and I suppose it’s good I get some of this out before I completely forget the details. Having said that, I’ll be recounting some of the highlights and trying to pull out some general lessons while I’m at it. It’s important to note that unlike many other things I’ve seen written about touring that in my case I was a “sideman” and not the band leader. A lot of what I say might not make sense to band leaders or bands where most or all the members are on an equal level. In some ways for this particular band I was considered a “hired gun” which I believe explains itself. For this tour I was getting paid a certain amount of money each day even if we weren’t playing a show that day which is a great gig. However, whatever money I saw the band leader taking in for merch or from venues/promoters was not going to come my way. But it’s kind of like that old trick of taking $1000 now or getting a penny today, two cents tomorrow, 4 cents the day after that etc for a year? It seems like you’re getting the shaft at first but then you realize that the small amount starts adding up. So with this tour I wound up coming home with a nice chunk of change while the band leader wound up losing money (not including paying me and the other sideman). The lesson here is to get a gig where you are guaranteed a certain amount of money because there aren’t a lot of guarantees in the music business especially when it comes to cash.
I’m already feeling long-winded here. This is probably going to end up being split into multiple parts for my sanity and yours.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to really plan out what you’re going to need/want to bring on tour and make a checklist. Even then you’re going to forget something. Just try to make it something that you can buy cheaply anywhere at any time like deodorant or earplugs. CVS is your friend and lover. It’s crucial to be realistic while you’re getting you belongings together but don’t be cruel to yourself either. I made the mistake of bringing 3 or 4 books and wound up reading 1. This isn’t a big deal but you get the point. On the other hand I only brought 1 pair of pants and 1 pair of shorts. For many reasons I should have at least brought another pair of pants and they don’t really take up that much space. It’s hard to know how much space you’re going to be working with depending on what everyone else brings but you can always squeeze in a pair of pants or pillow in a nook between a cello and cooler.
Don't forget to pack a cat or two. Those definitely aren't my boxers...
IMPORTANT LESSON 1: PLAN! Be a planning machine. Look at the tour itinerary and check/think about the weather where you are going. If you’re touring in the south during the summer you only need to bring 1 snowboard and not 2. (That was a joke. Yes. I know that “the south” does get snow…in the summer.) Think about what you want to do in your free time which you will have an incredible amount of. Keep in mind though that a lot of this “free time” will be spent in a cramped car with other people. (Maybe you’ll want to actually get to know the people you’re going to be spending every second with for the next month. Maybe not.) If you’re feeling like you’ve got the planning thing down, you might want to consider doing some research into the places/areas you’ll be playing at, staying at or passing through. You may never get another chance to check out that Old Navy in North Carolina or that Starbucks in Shreveport. (Get it? That’s stuff you can do anywhere. You’re welcome.) There’s a lot of the same out there in this homogenous world but if you do your homework or walk down the right alley you can find some marvelous crap.
I’ll leave you on that cliffhanger for the moment. Since I know it’s tough to read the internet without lots of pretty pictures, here’s the first picture I took on the tour.
From a record store in Philly. I wanted to remember to check out the terrible looking movie by taking a picture of the record sleeve for the soundtrack. Still haven't checked it out...
Jackercrap 
English As An Attempted Eleventh Language
•February 10, 2010 • Leave a CommentAs you may have gathered, I sell things on one of the 97 internets. In my journey of selling goods to people over the internet I actually have to interact with these people. All I want to do is take their money and send them whatever crappy item they purchased. Most of the time it’s that’s easy but at times it becomes some sort of second grade question and answer fiasco.
One of my favorites went something like this:
Potential Buyer: Hi. I already downloaded this movie. Does it have any special features like commentary?
Me: Yes. It has hilarious outtakes, a music video by Cyndi Lauper and commentary by the 2nd assistant lighting boy. (I made up the actual special features here to “spice it up” as they say. I told this potential buyer the real deal of course.)
Potential Buyer: Could you tell me how long in total the special features are?
Me: (After sticking the dvd in my computer, skipping to the end of all the special features and adding up the minutes.) The special features last about 45 minutes.
I never heard from this person again and they did not buy the dvd…from me at least. It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder what life is going to be like when the zombies take over. It goes without saying that all of that was a big waste of my time. And yes, I am aware that the length of special features is often included in reviews on the magical internet. In this case because of the unique nature of this dvd, that information was nowhere to be found. Boo crapping hoo.
So what lead me to this rant is the following e-mail I just received:
Good Night estimated seller. I want to know if the film had been delivered to that address. I’m not in USA now and I have no way to know now, thanks. (They put their name here. I don’t want to “blow up their spot” as they say.)
I’ve got to say that this is a new for me. Estimated seller? Hmmmm. What am I supposed to say to that? I’m sorry but since I didn’t get delivery confirmation on the dvd that you paid one cent plus shipping for I have no way of knowing for sure whether this item was delivered to the address that you are not currently at. I’m not even going to start with the crazy massacre of the written language. I know that I’ve been known to leave out a word here there and put words in an order doesn’t make that any sense.
Here is what I actually wrote in my response:
I did send this item out quite some time ago. I have no way of knowing for sure whether it arrived at the address you provided. I can only assume it did as is usually the case. I can tell you that it has not been returned to me. I hope that answers your question. Thanks.
I’ll be sure to post what will surely be a fun response. Oh, I hope there’s a response.
Posted in Crap
Tags: commentary, cyndi lauper, outtakes, special features, zombies