At The Supermarket I Broke My Heart

I was going to post some rant about my life and my music and also my life. My patience with myself dwindled and I have temporarily abandoned said post. I also realized that I have been slacking on the CRAP in JACKERCRAP. I mean crap in terms of physical crap. Everything on here is crap.
One of the things on my never-ending to-do list of life is to scan a bunch of the crappy books, magazines, and pamphlets I’ve snatched up over the years. (Those consecutive -‘s are pretty impressive right?) So the other day I started scanning some of the smaller and easier items while watching Space Rangers on the fabulous Netflix Instant Watch. (Netflix money rolls in.) Space Rangers is not good in case you were wondering. It’s almost so bad it’s good but it’s more like so bad it ends up like most mediocre sci-fi television.
Anycrapzit, here’s some crap!

I bet you’re thinking about how sexy this boy must be now that’s he alls growed ups. Well you’d be right fool! This kid’s name is Denzel Washington! Can you believe it?! I know right?! Life is crazy and crap.
You want to know what else happens in this book which can fit in you pocket? Hold on to your seat as we take a journey through the supermarket of the 1990s. Yup. This bad boy was published in 1990 and I know it goes without saying that is out of print(OOP) and other people’s pursey(OPP). My lawyers said it was important to mention this. Oh my silly lawyers. I love you guys!

I bet you weren’t expecting to see such a similar picture again but in a different context! This thing has got some twists and curves! I don’t need to mention the shorts right? Or the tucked in shirt? What about the socks? Shoes? Underwear? Good.

He likes to go shopping and he’s got a bruise on his elbow. Let’s assume it’s from falling down the stairs and landing on a hammer.

Sure. There’s nothing more AMERICAN than potato chips!

And now we know why Denzel has diabetes.

Seriously? This is why you don’t let kids shop alone at the supermarket. I mean he’s totally forgetting about the ice cream. Come on little dude! What are you going to eat for dessert? More potato chips? Or do I mean to say crisps? If you can see some of those candy names I’ll bet a lot of them aren’t familiar. I’m starting to think maybe these pictures aren’t even from AMERICA!

Oh that kid’s face is just priceless. You can really sense that he doesn’t want to spend his hard earned oil rig money on some stupid onions. Where did this lady come from all of a sudden anyways? If you’re going to let your kid go to the supermarket unsupervised then you should really loan them a hatchet in case some creepy old lady tries to force them to buy onions. You’re welcome parents of AMERICA! I bet you want to see the rear end of this thing too. Sicko.

Oh boy! We’re treated to a variation of the pedophile with onions photo on the back of the book. This is where you can really tell that the boy is not actually concerned about shelling out some cash for onions but rather being abducted by this supermarket predator. (I wonder if this has anything to do with me finding onions in my undies the other day.)
The text on the back is humorous too. “The large and bold typeface used in these books coupled with the generous spacing between words will greatly assist children with visual discrimination.” It’s true. I thought I had seen generous spacing before but this really takes it to a whole new level. If anyone comes across the Spanish edition please let us know how that one ends.
There you go internet. Perhaps some more of this kind of thing will happen here in the future. Nah. I’ll just post stuff about washing dishes or something.