Touring For 6 Credits…Part 3 of 1&9
As you may have noticed, I’m trying to avoid some the cliche touring advice that you’ll find around the webs. I’m not going to be giving tips on how to move merchandise or how to hack coke machines. I’ll be giving in depth information on how to hack gumball machines though.
What have we talked about so far? Oh that’s right. Planning and killing time. Hmmm. What next? Lizards. No wait that doesn’t have much to do with touring. Wait! I’ve got it…sort of.
Unless you’re rich or enjoy sleeping in a car you’ll probably be staying with friends, family or total strangers. It’s been my experience that when you’re on the road your time spent in someone’s home ranges from 6 to 24 hours. Sure most of the time will probably be spent sleeping or at least pretending to sleep while kids/pets are running around on the floor above you. Either way you will probably end up interacting with your handsome host or charming hostess.
Bite.
IMPORTANT LESSON 3: SAY THANK YOU. They are doing you a favor and a pretty big one at that. I can honestly say that I would be pretty uncomfortable with having strangers staying at my place. Just make sure to throw the magic words in sooner rather than later because it’s just going to make everything much better if they know that you appreciate what they are doing for you. You might even get some free food out of it so make sure to tell them their smelly pet is the cutest you’ve ever seen and that their crappy apartment is very cozy.
Staying at a stranger’s place is also a great way to learn about the different ways people live for better or worse. Sometimes you forget how little you actually NEED to survive. That type of stuff can be quite sobering. It’s also nice to realize how easy you’ve got it. I stayed with a family in Arkansas and as with most experiences involving kids I was reminded of why I don’t want kids just yet. They had three boys each with their own severe “issues” and there was constant screaming from the kids and mother. Someone was always in time out or crying about some stupid crap. In cases like this I would rather sleep in the car or on a bed of scimitars.
So once you’ve gotten past saying thank you and raiding their fridge I’d suggest you pick and eat the brain of your host family. Find out something about them that isn’t completely boring and go from there. Most people are dying to find someone who will listen to their story of finding a quarter at work or the time they sewed some child’s feet back on. It’s the nice thing to do and you might even learn a thing or two about wormholes. Be prepared to see exhibitions of their prized possesions…cough crap…cough. When they show you their autographed Doris Day picture at least pretend that you have some sort idea of who that is and suggest that it must be worth at least $600 on ebay. And clean up after yourself you lazy bugaboo.
So you can “hack” a gumball machine by forcing a Kennedy half dollar into the coin slot and then smashing the machine with a Panasonic television. Make sure it’s a Panasonic or it won’t smash properly. (Panasonic money just rolls right in…)
Jackercrap 