Touring For 6 Credits…Part 2 of 1!7
So you want to tour huh? Oh you say you already have a tour planned? That’s cool. Whatever. I have a mug with a pig on it so that’s cool too. Only cool people up in here.
Like I was saying, if you can really plan ahead for an excursion such as a tour you’re already ahead of the game. I realized that I didn’t talk much about it before but it kind of goes without saying to bring extras of any musical doodads you might need. I know we ran into a situation where the cellist needed a new bow and wound up using a violin bow instead which wasn’t quite ideal. Just something to think about I guess. It might seem like no big deal when you live in NYC to find a 24-hour cello bow shop but it’s a different story in Clusterflock, Virginia.
So now you’re on the road…good for you. (Christian Bale voice is preferable.) You’ve probably got one of a series of very long drives ahead of you. How are you going to pass the time? Learn to knit? Pluck all of the hair off of your leg? The possibilities are possibilities and somewhat endless. Hopefully, you PLANNED ahead. It’s hard to go wrong with a book or any other non-pornographic reading materials. Personally, I like to take a couple of hours and flip through the radio stations. The first reason I do this is to catch up on some of the terrible radio music I’ve been missing. It’s always good to at least be aware of the terrible music that’s penetrating the ears of today’s youth. It’s plenty of fuel for conversations with your fellow “musicians” too.
“I knew this song was going to go to the parallel minor on the bridge.”
“Yeah it’s probably going to go into a quiet chorus afterwards.”
Fun stuff like that. Surfing the radio waves is also a great way to catch some local flavor. For the most part this means hearing some weird sermons and local disc jockeys talking about Mrs. Thwat’s missing goat. Every now and then you might stumble on some pretty decent college radio programing hosted by some insecure low-talking photography major named Scriah.
College.
I briefly mentioned killing time by getting to know the other people in the car. You really have to play this one by ear. If it’s 1am after a show you should be prepared to have a list of questions for your driver to help keep them awake. Conversely, be prepared to shut your crapping mouth from 7am to 11am. This might be a good time to organize all of your computer files. (We’ll get to the whole laptop/computer situation later.) So basically you just need to learn to read your bandmates. If nobody’s talking don’t be afraid to tell a racist joke or two but if it’s met with puking or coffee in your lap you better find something else to keep you occupied.
If you feel that it’s essential that you have some sort of human contact you can always turn to your phone…if you’re lucky enough to have signal in Bumbledock, Alabama. Remember that guy from high school that you haven’t talked to in 5 years? Me neither. Send him a text message anyways. Text all of your friends back home. Be sure to mention that you’re on tour and that everything is so cooooool and craaaaazy. You can also go with the I’m so bored and I was thinking about you approach too. If you have a phone with some sort of internet magic you can pretend like you’re at home visiting jackercrap.com of course. Bring a car charger because you better believe that all the animations on my page are going to kill your battery. Don’t forget about the world around you..
IMPORTANT LESSON 2: Look out the window! Dick Clark spent a lot of time and money crafting this marvelous country just for you little Kimmy. I know it’s cliche but it’s still cliche and true. I’m not just talking about the obvious wonders of nature and billboards for New Moon. You just might miss the fruit stand with some sadly mizzpelld words on it. You could even come across some Sasquatch roadkill…
This is nature...oh and some buildings.
Jackercrap 