As you may have gathered, I sell things on one of the 97 internets. In my journey of selling goods to people over the internet I actually have to interact with these people. All I want to do is take their money and send them whatever crappy item they purchased. Most of the time it’s that’s easy but at times it becomes some sort of second grade question and answer fiasco.
One of my favorites went something like this:
Potential Buyer: Hi. I already downloaded this movie. Does it have any special features like commentary?
Me: Yes. It has hilarious outtakes, a music video by Cyndi Lauper and commentary by the 2nd assistant lighting boy. (I made up the actual special features here to “spice it up” as they say. I told this potential buyer the real deal of course.)
Potential Buyer: Could you tell me how long in total the special features are?
Me: (After sticking the dvd in my computer, skipping to the end of all the special features and adding up the minutes.) The special features last about 45 minutes.
I never heard from this person again and they did not buy the dvd…from me at least. It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder what life is going to be like when the zombies take over. It goes without saying that all of that was a big waste of my time. And yes, I am aware that the length of special features is often included in reviews on the magical internet. In this case because of the unique nature of this dvd, that information was nowhere to be found. Boo crapping hoo.
So what lead me to this rant is the following e-mail I just received:
Good Night estimated seller. I want to know if the film had been delivered to that address. I’m not in USA now and I have no way to know now, thanks. (They put their name here. I don’t want to “blow up their spot” as they say.)
I’ve got to say that this is a new for me. Estimated seller? Hmmmm. What am I supposed to say to that? I’m sorry but since I didn’t get delivery confirmation on the dvd that you paid one cent plus shipping for I have no way of knowing for sure whether this item was delivered to the address that you are not currently at. I’m not even going to start with the crazy massacre of the written language. I know that I’ve been known to leave out a word here there and put words in an order doesn’t make that any sense.
Here is what I actually wrote in my response:
I did send this item out quite some time ago. I have no way of knowing for sure whether it arrived at the address you provided. I can only assume it did as is usually the case. I can tell you that it has not been returned to me. I hope that answers your question. Thanks.
I’ll be sure to post what will surely be a fun response. Oh, I hope there’s a response.
~ by jackercrap on February 10, 2010.
Posted in Crap
Tags: commentary, cyndi lauper, outtakes, special features, zombies
Jackercrap
English As An Attempted Eleventh Language
As you may have gathered, I sell things on one of the 97 internets. In my journey of selling goods to people over the internet I actually have to interact with these people. All I want to do is take their money and send them whatever crappy item they purchased. Most of the time it’s that’s easy but at times it becomes some sort of second grade question and answer fiasco.
One of my favorites went something like this:
Potential Buyer: Hi. I already downloaded this movie. Does it have any special features like commentary?
Me: Yes. It has hilarious outtakes, a music video by Cyndi Lauper and commentary by the 2nd assistant lighting boy. (I made up the actual special features here to “spice it up” as they say. I told this potential buyer the real deal of course.)
Potential Buyer: Could you tell me how long in total the special features are?
Me: (After sticking the dvd in my computer, skipping to the end of all the special features and adding up the minutes.) The special features last about 45 minutes.
I never heard from this person again and they did not buy the dvd…from me at least. It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder what life is going to be like when the zombies take over. It goes without saying that all of that was a big waste of my time. And yes, I am aware that the length of special features is often included in reviews on the magical internet. In this case because of the unique nature of this dvd, that information was nowhere to be found. Boo crapping hoo.
So what lead me to this rant is the following e-mail I just received:
Good Night estimated seller. I want to know if the film had been delivered to that address. I’m not in USA now and I have no way to know now, thanks. (They put their name here. I don’t want to “blow up their spot” as they say.)
I’ve got to say that this is a new for me. Estimated seller? Hmmmm. What am I supposed to say to that? I’m sorry but since I didn’t get delivery confirmation on the dvd that you paid one cent plus shipping for I have no way of knowing for sure whether this item was delivered to the address that you are not currently at. I’m not even going to start with the crazy massacre of the written language. I know that I’ve been known to leave out a word here there and put words in an order doesn’t make that any sense.
Here is what I actually wrote in my response:
I did send this item out quite some time ago. I have no way of knowing for sure whether it arrived at the address you provided. I can only assume it did as is usually the case. I can tell you that it has not been returned to me. I hope that answers your question. Thanks.
I’ll be sure to post what will surely be a fun response. Oh, I hope there’s a response.
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~ by jackercrap on February 10, 2010.
Posted in Crap
Tags: commentary, cyndi lauper, outtakes, special features, zombies