I’ll Definitely Be There
I was giving out flyers today for my upcoming show with my main band which I’ll refer to as WUSN from here on. Doing this reminded me that I had said I was going to do a post about getting your friends/coworkers/lovers/pets out to shows. Here are some examples of what most people say when they are told about a show:
1. “I’ll definitely be there!” This generally means that this person will not be at your show. What they mean to say is “I’m somewhat interested in going but I’ll probably decide that night that I’d rather play Othello online with a stranger from Nevada.” I have no problem with someone playing games online at home (while naked of course) with lonely accountants in Nevada. The problem is that for some reason you chose to use the word “definitely” when you should have said “possibly” or “might” or even “possibly maybe” and we could have laughed at the reference. Oh silly Bjork references. I think this happens because people are afraid to say no to shows and drugs. They probably also don’t want to let a friend/teacher/banker down. When people tell me that they’ll definitely come to a show I really don’t expect to see them there and it doesn’t affect me anymore. I would certainly rather hear the truth at the beginning but I forget that most people are liars.
2. “I’ll try to make it out.” This person will most likely be at the show. They’re expressing that they will make an effort. They’re not making up excuses or giving you a definitive answer. This person is realistic and someone you should hang out with more.
3. “I’m not sure if I’m working/showering/already have plans.” This person probably isn’t going to be at the show. They don’t want to say yes or no generally because they don’t want to go unless they know for sure that other people they know are going. If you’re dealing with an honest person they might actually be unsure of what their plans are but it’s hard to believe in this world of phone calendars and those tiny computers installed in our elbows. Don’t count this person out just yet though.
4. “Where is it? What time is at? How much does it cost?” This person really doesn’t want to go to your show. If you’ve just handed them a flyer that answers all these questions and they’re still asking about it they’re not going to your show. They’re looking for an excuse not to go. “Oh that’s far away from where I live and that’s kind of late because I’ve got work early the next day and also I don’t get paid until next year so I can’t afford that.” This is the kind of person that you should just walk away from. These are the liars and insecure people of the world.
5. “I can’t make it.” This is a good answer. It should probably be “I won’t/don’t want to make it.” This is a fairly honest answer most likely. If they tell you why they can’t make it there’s a 50/50 chance they’re telling the honest to dog truth. They’re trying to keep it real and be polite. Kudos.
6. “I’m not going.” Cool dude. I’ve got mad respect for you playa. Seriously though, this is a good person even if they are sort of on the jerky detached side. They’re not making some crap up or being vague. This person is not going to be there. There’s nothing wrong with honesty…99.99% of the time…it works 87.56% of the time. Make this person you’re new BFFQ.
Obviously, there are countless other responses and facial expressions that can occur but this should cover most of what you’re going to hear. At the end of day it all comes down to how you deal with people coming or not coming to your show. Remember that for the most part no one is obligated to be at your show. Either they genuinely want to see you play or they want to be supportive. Nobody has to go to your show so don’t be mad at the people who don’t make it out. Good luck!
Jackercrap 
Bravo, straight to the point. It always happens the exact way you described.