Open Microphone
I’m planning on playing at a new open mic I heard about. It’s always interesting to check out a new venue and by venue I mean bar or coffeehouse. The great thing about open mics is that anyone can go perform for someone else besides their roommate or cat. The crappy thing about open mics is that ANYONE can go perform for someone else besides their roommate or cat. I’ve seen and heard some really amazing music at open mics. The kind of music that’s too good to be on the radio or hipster television shows. Unfortunately, this is not a frequent occurrence. I would say 33 out of 34 performances/songs are painful and forgettable. Here’s a list of stereotypes that you will find at an open mic:
1. Probably the most common from my experience is the guy who thinks he’s the next John Mayer. (Not a fan of John Mayer or his imitators by the way.) This is the guy who looks like he spent all weekend shopping for clothes and is probably unsuccessfully hitting on any girl with two breasts at the “venue”. His music will sound oddly familiar/borderline lawsuit and the lyrics will be about how he loves ladies and vice versa. He will try to sing in his “sexy voice” using lots of breathy nonsense and will introduce his songs with a story about some chick he hooked up with. Barf!
2. Amidst the Jon Mayor’s will be the girl that all the lonely singer-songwriters are pretending not to stare at. While she may be a decent enough singer she will look like she learned guitar just an hour before showing up to the lovely “venue”. She will spend 50% of her performance trying to find the “right chord” and giggling. She will probably play one original about an ex or a boy who’s not paying attention to her and a cover song by the current hip female fronted indie band.
3. Old guy. There’s nothing wrong with being old but this guy will mention at least twice that he is in fact old. Generally the old guy will play a cover song from the 60s that 98% of the audience is unfamiliar with and will say, “This is an oooooold song.” Then he will play an “original” that will sound a lot like Dylan (Bob not JaKob) or Floyd (Pink not Bill).
I could go on and on but I’ll leave it at that for now. Perhaps I will elaborate in the future. I will report on this new open mic experience on Friday. For now here’s a picture of a microphone for your multimedia enjoyment. Yes. It is my microphone. Exciting.
You sing into the black part.
Jackercrap 
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